Monday, June 20, 2011 - I awaken with a little discomfort in my left thumb, i was finding very difficult to just take a pair of socks off. I never realized i much i rely on my thumb, to help me with very simple task, such as removing my socks off my foot, i had to result to using my handicap fingers, (meaning the fingers, that are not primary used for this task), it is though, my other fingers, don't exactly know how to perform this task, it was so awkward to rely on these fingers to give my thumb some assistance, in which i realized that i use my thumbs in just about everything tedious that i do, especially when it comes to cooking and cutting up my vegetables. I just gotta purchase that copper glove real soon, but it has to wait until next month, when i will have the funds to purchase it (lol), in the meantime, i will try to give my left thumb a break, and make those other fingers give the thumb some assistance (lol). Well, now, lets get to the topic of this blog, i was reading a post by a member on P2P, that experience the passing of a fellow dialysis pt., my heart does go out to her, as i know this feeling all too well. I have been coping with this from time to time, for well over two decades now. It really pains me, when i would come into the unit, feeling good and confident, and then i would see that a chair next to me, or across from me, the patient isn't there, and then i would inquire from one of the techs or nurses, that is around, and hoping that the answer would be that patient is on vacation, or maybe in the hospital, or better yet, has received the blessing of a transplant, but i do hate hearing that the patient has succumb. It does give me some concern, especially if i had just seen that patient a few days ago at our regular hemo session, and we may have been chatting during the treatment, or even laughing about something. I could remember as though it was yesterday, there was this patient that i met, during my very first initial hemo treatment, that had already been on hemo for five years, and she kinda helped me to get over my anxiety about undergoing my very first treatment, well anyway, we soon became very good friends, she invited me to join their ladies group of dialysis pts., who would have regular Friday lunch dates across the street from the unit (which was housed in a Hospital) called Pill Hill Cafe, we would meet every friday after our hemo session was over, and these friday meeting, would soon become very beneficial to me, especially being the rookie of the group, I do share this in full detail in my second book - My Twenty Year Journey with PKD in the Dialysis World. I called them Renal Divas, because of us, had very unique and different lives, inspite of our dialysis life. They would share very useful info, that helped me to have a better understanding of how to manage good health with dialysis. Well, anyway, this friend, went away on vacation, and after a month had passed, i began to be concerned about when she was going to return, but no tech or nurse could tell me anything about this patient, and why she hadn't returned, so a few days later, she returns and i was very happy to see she had returned, but not what i witness on her return, she came back without both of her legs. What i admire about this patient, was the fact, that inspite of what she had been through and the result of it, she maintained her famous sense of humor, i remember exactly what she said to me, well, Glo, i know i did this to myself, because i didn't stay compliant with my diet and medication regiment, while on vacation, just enjoying myself and being naughty and neglecting what i need to stay compliant with, to maintain good health on dialysis, and then she laid this little humor on me, well, Glo, i guess i will be sitting down a lot for now, and then she laughed, which i felt better about laughing myself, but she did say she is looking into getting artificial limbs, and that was great, but it never happened, because she finally game to reality about all this, and just gave up and became totally depressed and within a month, i was told by the nurse at the unit, that she had passed. This truly devastated me, because she was such a beautiful soul, and i do still miss her, even today, and this was way back in 1994. When there is a lost at the unit, it just makes me look at death so differently, i feel living with a chronic illness, anything can occur, especially with prolonged dialysis. I just continue to stay positive, and look forward to each day being better, than the last. I have been taught early on in life, that no one knows when they will day, but being on dialysis, it makes you think about death in a different way, will the complications from dialysis be the reason i succumb to this life. I never thought like this, before i began a life on dialysis, when a love one or a friend while die, yes, i would mourn them, but i would soon find the strength to overcome this feeling and feel positive about living my life to the fullest, but not with a fellow dialysis pt. that would pass, it just feels so different, and especially when i have to be at the unit for my regular treatment, it makes it so much harder to come to term with it. Does anyone else on dialysis, experience this feeling, when this situation would occur? Chime in, and share your thoughts and feelings on this. Well, that is it for my blogging today. Stay well, non-dialysis pts, and to my fellow dialysis pts. stay well and compliant with your renal diet and your medication regiment to stay in the feeling well game.
Glo
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